Last week I wrote about feeling a bit in the shits about my friend situation here in the New City. From what I've heard it can be very challenging to make friends in this City in particular. Apparently people here are flaky. To be honest, I haven't really noticed that much. I think any city where people are constantly arriving and leaving would be challenging and if I'm being really honest, flaky is how I roll. (Note this is something I've worked really hard at curbing out of respect for other people and their time, but in my heart of hearts, I love doing what I want exactly when I want to)... but I digress.
This last week was somewhat challenging on the friend front. I found myself feeling particularly sensitive. You see, when I moved here I felt like I connected with some people I met and - perhaps naively, but also not naively because I will not minimize living with an open heart as naive- I was really happy that I met such great people that I naturally clicked with. But since those early months, things have changed. Some of the people I met and clicked with are still in my life and I'm so grateful for that. Some others, on the other hand, have grown distant. I spent a lot of time and energy trying to process that. Though I didn't get to know them for very long, for whatever reason, the realization that we were not in fact genuine friends hurt. (I realize many of these posts reference me being hurt, so the frequent reader may rightly infer that I am a sensitive soul!) Anyway, I recognize that we're all adults and you can't force a relationship - whether romantic or friendly - and after all, why would you want to? Ultimately people are just doing what is in their hearts - it's not personal and my brain gets that even if my heart doesn't always do its part to compartmentalize. The point here is, I want to spend time with people that genuinely want to spend time with me.
I never thought I would apply dating lessons to the rest of my life, but I find myself doing that now. I wouldn't be happy with a guy that was hot and cold, or that made me feel like an afterthought, so why would I accept that in a friendship? As with dating, my response to these situations is to politely decline. It doesn't mean we can't be friends to some degree, but for me at least, it means they don't get open-hearted Dot. I give a lot to the people I care about and out of respect for myself I need to ensure I'm doing that in spaces that reciprocate. I choose to open myself up to and share my time with people that make me feel good - even if it takes longer to find those people.
The truth is, whether it's your career, a romantic love or a friendship, you can (and should!) try, but you can't force things. Things are the way they are. Like Tupac says, that's just the way it is.
Want More Love for Your Soul?
Here's are some of my favorite quotes - particularly relevant for this week's post.
“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.” -Tupac Shakur
“Don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens - The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.” - John Steinbeck