It’s been over a month since I deleted all my online dating apps and I have to say I don’t really miss it at all.
Over the last month I have met more people that I would want to keep in my life, and received more looks where I have felt seen - truly, genuinely, warmly, without guard or agenda, than all the random and non-memorable first dates I had in 2018 combined.
It’s also made me appreciate February in a new way. It is a beautiful month of / for Love. I can appreciate it for everything it is, completely on its own. I do not feel lacking, but quite the opposite. I feel abundant. As Oprah says, only through honouring yourself can you offer yourself… “the number one thing you have to do is to work on yourself, to fill yourself up, and to keep your cup full. I consider it a compliment that I am full of myself. I’m full. I’m overflowing. My cup runneth over.”
January was hard in its own ways… but something feels more clear and crisp and sweet about February. Like an autumn day mixed with the softness of a summer evening. What does that even mean, you ask? I have no idea, but it feels right.
Other random ramblings. Guitar. Oh guitar. I am so new to you, but already you have brought joy, people, and experience into my life.
Words / Intentions emanating like a magnetic field from within me out:
Recalibrate. Recalibrate my relationship with discord, my relationship with anger, my relationship with group hangouts and high-energy people.
Trust my judgement. Turns out, I know. Part of this also relates to recalibration. In the past I may have gone to illogical extremes to entertain the smallest morsel of benefit of doubt. Part of what makes me who I am is my earnestness and - for better or for worse - my faith in people. I don’t really want to lose that, but I do believe I can have more space for my skepticism - I am hella judgemental, a smartass, and I should honour these parts of me too.
Protector. If something is bad for me - regardless of intentions - I am responsible for doing what I can to protect myself. I also want people in my life to be my protectors, as I will be theirs too.
Adventure. It continues - next up, Big Sur / LA roadtrip. Big Sur holds such a special place in my heart. It is breathtaking and profound. It makes me feel like song and silence are both required to appreciate it.
my new life motto: time well spent.
xox
more love for you:
“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives…
There is no shortage of good days. It is good lives that are hard to come by. A life of good days lived in the senses is not enough. The life of sensation is the life of greed; it requires more and more. The life of the spirit requires less and less; time is ample and its passage sweet. Who would call a day spent reading a good day? But a life spent reading — that is a good life.”
-Annie Dillard, The Writing Life