So I've been in my new city for about six months now. Over that time period I have gone on lots of dates. LOTS. I've met many great guys - they're smart, and warm, and caring, but for whatever reason I didn't feel a strong enough connection to them to date them for an extended period of time. Part of this may be because I've recently moved and I know my priority is to focus on building a friend network and not jump right into a very serious relationship. Part of me also wonders how much the mechanism through which we meet poses a challenge. The guys I've met in real life have felt so much lighter, and more natural, whereas when I meet someone online the act of going back and forth over messaging can be so painful. If/when we do meet up, it's so hard to evaluate if you connect "enough" to warrant continued hang-outs. It's a lot of pressure for a first time meet-up.
One thing I've learned through my move here is that you have to put yourself out there. Friends don't just fall into your lap - especially when you are outside of school and people already have established friend networks. I ask people to hang out all the time and I am persistent at trying to make friends. I also don't wait to be asked out all the time. When it happens, it's lovely. But when it doesn't happen, I am proactive.
So I am going to apply some of my lessons from friend-making to the area of finding love. I am going to put myself out there, ask people out and appreciate that generally at least something comes out of reaching out to people - even if it's just learning more about your compatibility with others, knowing you've gone for what you wanted, or perhaps maybe even getting to know someone better and making a new friend. In the cases where something romantic or even friendship-y doesn't work out, that's OK, because you have to trust that that's for the best.
I want to embrace getting to know people better and not being so beholden to defining things as dates or non-dates. Connection is a beautiful thing and I am going to trust that the relationships that worthwhile to me will shine through, with time. Whether it's in the dating or friend realm, why hold back? Be selective, but be proactive.
Here's a Sunday kiss for you
"Set your life on fire. Seek those that fan your flames."
- Rumi